InadequatelyHuman

I dropped all my courses today. It was an interesting process I actually had to go see a counseller to do a full academic withdrawal, evidently you need a counsellers permission to fully withdraw from your courses.

One thing I notice is I feel that when many people respond to justify meat eating they do it almost angryily, I think many meat eaters when realizing the immorality of their claim they react hostily, almost as a defense mechanism. Many of the people that I talked to earlier did respond intelligently but some seemed very angry.

I made a post on a forum about gamers....I was fairly satisifed with it. Here it is:
Ahem....I have a slight beef that I feel I should vent. I realize that many of the readers now already are suspecting some sort of negative unintelligent splurge to expel from my mouth (or fingers rather) but please allow me to explain myself hopefully semi-intelligently.

First history; this is the first time I have ever followed a video game through a forum, I play the 360 version and first played the free beta and it instantly made me fall in love with this game hence I jumped on the forum to check for info, it will also most likely be my last.

I, personally, find the tone in which those speak or type to be generally so powerfully egotistical (in game and out). A person whom I have in mind at this moment, I will not mention due to the sensitive rules of the forum which I in no way wish to disturb (although previously did accidentally through an attempted satire, I say attempted because no one understood it lol).

I understand that many object to the way people constantly complain and post numerous threads on a certain topic. But this is something I could never directly relate to when the response to these threads were on the lines of 'You are an idiot this was done before, you are stupid for not realizing such a thing, now go in shame.' I do understand that it is important to attempt to find a useful relevant link in order to answer your question before you attempt to post, but how long a search can be justified? I feel like the objective of a forum, or a group of people gathered for a purpose for that matter, have the duty to compassion to answer these peoples questions. I feel this way because the usual consequence that comes about from others not helping eachother or responding in a neutral non-informative way such as 'There are other posts of this go read them' creates more spite in the future call it the karma of the situation.

Is it really such an inconvenience for people to restate themselves? If I was a student in a class (I make this comparison as I feel like a forum is a place to discuss and learn on a certain topic, just like a classroom) I would expect a teacher to restate a concept to me if I did not understand it, perhaps because I missed a class or maybe just was absent minded for a second. This expectation of the teacher would come not necessarily from the necessity of a task in his/her position but would come from the knowledge within that allows me to determine a good teacher from a bad. That being that good teachers, as good people, are naturally compassionate and as so wish for the prosperity/well-being of others.

This speaking down to, down by those who esteem themselves as superior, I will never understand! What happened to the Compassionate Gamer? There are many people whom are concerned and thoughtful on these forums I do not mean to state that most are egotistical, however as anyone who reads this knows there are those whom seem to aspire to lower others beneath them. This is something that is not done nearly as dramatically as it sounds, it is done with rudeness.

I have read many different forums those complaining about the game, I admit I have my complaints, those complaining about the lack of respect shown online, a memorable post is about 'Death=Kick', and those replying to both...etc. And more so then often have been taken aback by the vulgar mannerisms in which others attempt to lower/control others.

A simple reminder is needed to all those whom make such posts and all those whom desire to, this community's value is directly affiliated with the manners in which we treat eachother. I understand that different opinions are voiced and repeated and this can frustrate you, but rather then add to the frustration of others please attempt to help rather then not. For without eachother we would all be surrounded by worms casting lower stat on us, and thats really frustrating!!!!

In closing I apologies if I inconvenienced you by presenting this topic for you to read, and I apologies if there was a previous topic similiar, but this was a problem I needed to address, I felt, as a Compassionate Gamer.

What is this Compassionate Gamer I speak of? A Compassionate Gamer is, as a person, one whom is willing to help those who don't know or don't understand an article, I am a person who wants to play fairly share and have a good time, I am a person whom seeks no satisfaction in lowering others below me just because they lack the knowledge I hold, and I am a person who will never call a player a noob(newbie) just because they made a mistake or are not aware of a certain concept. The fact that I hold knowledge states nothing more about me then the fact that I was at a place to receive it be it luck, preference, or providence; people should not be judged because of this.

I lack all will....I cant get myself to do anything recently. Im constantly exhausted and feel weak!! Its no good.
I seem to have dedicated my life to Phantasy Star Universe, ugh, 127 hours is quite alot to rack up in 3 weeks.
I really need to get a job soon, but unfortunately I dont want something that requires effort as stupid as that may sound!

Im just so tired recently, I feel like Im a shadow of my self. Even this entry required effort..it isnt right.

Hoping to get results from catscan soon.

Ive confirmed my test marks, both the equivalent of 60-70%. I personally feel thats evidence enough of my concussion, I never do that poorly...especially when I study!!!
Didnt do much of anything today, still waiting for PSU played some N3 which is in all honesty not very good lol!!!
I was supppose to get some studying done but I was to busy with Vicky!!!
*sigh* I am not enjoying where I am in school right now, Im killing myself with my lack of empathy yet at the same time I feel as if Im not capable to attend!!!

Very frustrated still....

Oh I also posted some generic pictures and am trying to figure out how people access them!!

I went to my doctor again today, man Im so exhausted for some retarded reason!!! Well nothing really to update Im supposed to make an appointment after my catscan. My catscan appointment is on Nov 4th its gonna be exciting supposedly the radioactive dye they inject into you warms ya up!!
Vickys headin over tommorrow to stay the night cause we have a lawyer appointment really early in the morning on thursday, shall be fun! I bought nintedogs sp ed for her hopefully its something that can ammuse her on the train ride to school!

Oooo just checked and it turns out I did quite poorly in my midterm exam C+ by the looks of it, that sux!!!!
Oh oh Ive decided to start writing, Im going to help George by being a creative writer with his video game company. We've come up with some pretty great ideas so far! So hopefully that works out for us!!!

Excitied for dinner on thursday and still greatly desire the release of PSU!!!!

Today hung out with Dustin, Dave, George, Steven, and Vicky. Phantasy Star Universe server went down....preached about the end before that happened....to much fun.

Wanted to specify previous sounding pessimistic comment of "Ooo OOo I know how I want to die" was not intended to be pessimistic instead intended to remind me of Jainism self starvation ritual cermemony. Very noble, something I feel like I could relate to. Many times I feel like I dont want to consume any life, it would be a fitting way to go!!

I had a midterm today in Meta ethics, I think I did ok! My essay question was pretty much "Explain the differences between the following statements 'Dont drink and drive', 'It is wrong to drink and drive', and 'One ought not to drink and drive'".
My conclusion simply was:
'Dont drink and drive' is an assertive factual statement.
'It is wrong to drink and drive' is an informative matter of fact statement.
'One ought not to drink and drive' is an abstract contemplative statement.
I concluded that all the statements are used for different situations depending on two different aspects one the type of user (strong willed, assertive, passive...etc) and the type of listener (strong willed, assertive, passive...etc) simply the terms are used accordingly to the current social setting.

Anyhow got home from that called Matt Jones earlier and went out for dinner with him! It was great fun to see him again. Matt is still Matt lol! Saw Jackass two, it was much better then one.
Oh Vicky got me a necklace for my Buddha it turns out the rope I was using was leather, the irony is thick!
Not much else to explain, or do tired to attempt!

"I would fain ask any one, why incest in the human species is criminal, and why the very same action, and the same relations in animals have not the smallest moral turpitude and deformity?...Examine it in all its lights, and see if you can find that matter of fact, or real existence, which you call vice." Hume

Parricide: A human gives birth to a child, who grows up, and kills the parent.
Dendrocide: An oak, by the dropping of its seed, produces a sapling below it, which springing up by degrees, at last overtops and destroys the parent tree.

What is the difference? Humes point that morality is not rational, for if it was we'd govern these two events exactly.

I need to start a journal. Its that simple, I dont like journals. As a matter of fact I hate journals. Because people always try to make themselves sound intelligent including myself. I dont want to do that, however I would like to actually make a statement of my existence to some degree. It seems I have the memory of either an old man or a toddler and for this reason must write in order to recollect my past. So Nathan this is a note to you 'FUCK YOU' just read this like its a documentation of the past. Dont over analyze it or associate it with previous weaknesses. Accept that this aspect was once a part of you good or bad and for that reason alone needs to be written for your own sake; perhaps for growth to take progress or perhaps to maintain previous values.
So without further adieu Nathan here is what you did today:

Nothing!!! I woke up around noon and started studying for a midterm in metaethics on thursday. I dont know how well Im gonna do, I dont know exactly what I need to study unfortunately or rather I do but its to much. As so Ive decided to just read over the class notes then cross reference those notes with the exam guide. I hope this works, I just dont think I would be able to process as much information as I would have to if I studied everything in the study guide.
I dont know if I am having problems since the accident or not, I feel like I am but then I call myself a lieing pussy! I dont know if I can trust myself regarding this. I am consumed by pressure of externals whom all have different concepts of what is right or wrong for me. Its difficult to make any real decision.
I know Im in general hard on myself, but I feel like Im just being a...bitch! lol, for lack of a finer word!
Im very confused, plagued with doubt about this statement and the rest.

Other then studying Dan came over. He left his bag here last night and as so didnt go to school which sort of sucked cause he actually called me to get it back but I didnt have my phone on me and I didnt come out of my room for a long while cause I was studying! So I felt reasonably bad! We pretty much ate old pizza, played DOA, then watched Spriggan cause evidently he never has seen it and thats one of the classic anime movies! Crazyness!
Later in the night after Dan left I met up with George he came over to check out Phantasy Star Universe cause he didnt download it when he had the chance unfortunately.
So I pretty much showed him my doomed Brupi character (whom I love dearly) and then we created a new character entiled Godjira whom was a fat spell caster who ran around asking people for meat....or rather 'MEAT!!!!!!'. We pretty much screwed around for an hour with us shaking our gargantuan tushie in the face of every group of individuals we could find! What a great game!!! Im very excited about buying it, unfortunately it will be a great time consumer and I always seem to feel guilty when I play so much video games!! DAMN YOU SOCIETY!!!!
Well right now Im studying again/writing a journal. I think Im gonna finish studyng make some food and play a little bit more of the phantasy star demo!


Oo Oooo I know how I want to die!!!!!